Living with the loss of your child: No NAME July 9, 2009Posted by johnbohlinger in Dealing with Grief after Losing your child..
Tags: six feet under
Lately I’ve been watching the DVDs of the now cancelled series “Six Feet Under”, a drama/comedy about a family of undertakers. Because death and loss never really leave my mind, I thought maybe I’d try to immerse myself in it, search for understanding, meaning, humor, or just a grow numb to it, much like an undertaker would through constant exposure to death.
In one episode, a client loses her six year old. One of the characters says; “If you lose your spouse, you’re a widow,, lose your parents, you’re an orphan but there’s no term for somebody who loses a child, probably because it’s too terrible to imagine.”
I use to always tell my co-workers about things my son did and said. I was proud of him and it felt good to share bits of his amazing personality. Yesterday at work a friend said “Hey, I’m going to the Bonarroo Festival.” My son had gone shortly before he died and told me many colorful stories about this experience and I wanted so much to share this bit of him, but I didn’t mention it because I could not explain the unmentionable when they say “Oh, you have a son… Where is he?”
It feels so good to think about him doing what he did and saying the clever things he said; it would be wonderful to share these but I can’t because no matter how wonderful the story is, the ending is so tragic, too terrible to have a name. It’s a story that was so happy but with an ending that is too sad to tell. What do you do?