“He who does not understand your silence will probably not understand your words.” Elbert Hubbard. October 22, 2009Posted by johnbohlinger in Dealing with Grief after Losing your child., Death of your child, Grieving Parents.
Tags: Living with the loss of your child.
I understand the importance of talking through one’s feelings. I can see the benefits of a cathartic conversation. But sometimes I don’t want to hear what anybody has to say about grief, life, death, and recovery. I’m pretty sure I’ve already heard more or less all of it. I understand the whole mess intellectually, but I can’t make peace with it emotionally. It’s commonly believed that one reaches an emotional understanding by talking over one’s feelings, but often I don’t want to talk about how I feel; my words sound cliche or scripted and they don’t really convey what I feel. That’s when I crave silence, but that can be difficult to find.
Grieving people often find themselves victims of well intentioned friends who feel they can dialogue us out of our grief and depression, so we usually humor them; say what we think they want us to say and usually feel even worse after their “cheering up”. This is why caller I.D. is one of the greatest inventions of our modern world.
When you don’t want to talk, don’t. Give yourself a break. Hide from everybody if you need to and let your mind and body rest. After going through what we’ve been through, you don’t have to be strong or “on” all the time.
“Be still, and know that I am God”
What ever your spiritual leanings, this is a bit of advice that may be worth adopting. Here, “be still” comes from the Hebrew term “raphah”. According to Jason Jackson * “raphah” refers to that which is slack,… or to be disheartened or to be weak.
I’ve never really understood this before but now it seems pretty clear that Psalm advices that we need to shut down at certain times in our lives, like after suffering such a terrible loss. So maybe we should allow our bodies, minds and spirits to go slack at times, accept our weakness and rest. If you are the spiritual type, rest and know that God is out there.
Tonight I’m not answering my phone nor reading emails nor letters. I have the entire Third Season of 30 rock on DVD and I’m going to be very still on my couch and watch episode after episode until I pass out. The only sound I will make will be giggling and chewing on food.
* Be Still and Know that I Am God By JASON JACKSON February 27, 2006