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EASTER April 4, 2010

Posted by johnbohlinger in Dealing with Grief after Losing your child., Death of your child, Grieving Parents, Guilt and Grief.
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I quit writing about my son.  Felt like I should leave the wound alone and let it heal, quit picking at scabs.  But today is Easter,  the dead rise;  leaves me with mixed feelings that I can’t articulate.
It’s been three years ago today that I last saw my son.   When he was little, I couldn’t go three hours with out seeing him,  I’d check his crib in the middle of the night,  follow him around the house. When he was a teenager I would annoy him with calls waaaaay too often for his liking.   Now it’s three years of not seeing him.  I talk to him daily, which sounds a bit crazy but feels completely rational.
I’ve learned a lot living without August:
1). Make the most of life.
2).Don’t embrace  all those petty worries that seem so important but  rarely ever come to pass.
3). See the beauty in life.
4). Have a little compassion for people.   They may not be at their best because they have had something terrible happen to them.
These are all great lessons but I wish I never had to learn them because they came at such a horrific price;  in short, it’s not worth it.

Comments»

1. Lena - April 4, 2010

John,
I know what you mean when you say that you have learned a lot living without August. I too try to appreciate the moment as it is all that we have at any given time. But like you I would prefer to not have learned any of these lessons for the price. I do wish that I had known earlier on in life about how impermanent life can be. I was always so eternally optimistic that everything would work out. I cannot seem to work this one out no matter how hard I try. I am now focused on trying to create new memories. I can never let go of the old but it often feels like I now reside in a different life altogether. A life without Maija-Liisa. It has been almost a year and a half now for me and I would say that the pain is much deeper then I ever thought possible. I would also say that I am very strong to have endured. And for you to have endured John and to have found new joys is a testament to your belief in the life force and energy that we all have. That out children had.
It is good to hear about you again. It reaffirms my belief that there are many of us who do go on each day. The sun is shining here in beautiful Vancouver and the air is charged with the vibrancy that Spring brings. Life is changed forever. I dream of new places to visit and new designs to create. That keeps me going. Have a peaceful Easter.

2. Linda - April 13, 2010

If talking to him to the son you lost is crazy then I would wager all of us who have lost a child could be labeled crazy.
You seem like you are doing great John take care.

3. Trufote Outlet - March 2, 2011

I appreciated reading all that you have had to share hear. I recently read a good book about finding joy in the loss of a son. I am sure you have your own story to tell and I dont necesarily think you should ever stop writing about it.


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